dAtE tO 1 yEaR.....

[[__My dEeEpEsT gRaNdmA__]]

I seldom took photos with my grandma...
This was taken during breakfast 1 fine day!
She was still looking so great n *cHeEzEy* to e camera!
Her health was deteriorating as days passed by..
She was not able to smile to the camera anymore like before...
I loved this photos...1 of those her smilez look so great! i'll cherish it! =D
That's the sayings, 生老病死...
这是她的解脱。她很快乐，子孙满堂是她的心愿！

我愛他 -【下一站,幸福】主題曲

Im soo addicted to tis drama now..how i wish it can go more than 20 episodes..hmm.... =)

家

家，到底是什么？在我们的生命中到底扮演着什么角色？

你，常常会这样问自己吗？

这个字，除了我知道它是宝盖头和会写之外，它对我来说开始变得越来越陌生。

家，应该是温暖而无时无刻都会想到的地方。不管在外面遇到什么困难，家是唯一能够让你感到欣慰的地方。家里的那道大门，那扇窗，24小时，永远会为你而开。所以，在家里应该是件很开心的事呀！

唉，我的家却不是这样。我是想我的家能带给我这样的温暖。让我即使累了，回到家还是会想快乐的笑着，分享我一天在外喜怒哀乐的心情。可是，现在这个家，好像只不过是个避风港。

当我听见别人有温暖牌餐吃，有时我会想我的温暖牌餐呢？我是有多久没有吃到‘家常便饭’了？不晓得，大概已久到我忘了。

衣服洗坏了，也不能说。说了，挨骂的又是自己。明明不是我做的，挨骂的又是我！

东西找不到，随便问问，挨骂的又是我。家务也只是我做，没做，挨骂的也是我！

家里不只是我一人，为何挨骂的总是我？！为何家务也只能叫我做？他，又没做，也没事。

我想要谢谢‘你’为这家的付出，可是‘你’又到底有做到什么让我能说谢谢的。真不知道如何开口。想必我开口，就只有挨骂的份而已吧。也不知道‘你’到底怎么了，也不说。

现在，连说话都不能好好讲。不到两三句，又吵起来了。你一句，我一句，不管‘你’和谁说话，结果还是大吵大闹，呱呱叫。听都听到厌烦了！真的很累~
何时才能够好好说话，好好和‘你’沟通呀？是你变了吗？！大家都说是，也快受不了了。

这个家，有好多好多事让我感到好失望，好失望。好多，人；事；物，都让我好烦恼喔！真的感到越来越难与家沟通。好难过喔！

我想做好多事，可是我又不会。如果谁会，来教我好吗？靠人做，失望的只会是我自己。我已经失望好多次了。我真的很累，不想再靠她为我做了。反正，又做的很不好！真气人！

我想学，煮家常便饭，洗衣。总之，就是家事。我想为这个家，为我自己，做点事。因为靠人，那种失望，生气的感觉，让我更加累吧！我也好想念有家的温暖

真是家家有本难念的经呀！

加油！加油！加油！我必须相信我能做到。。。

*confusion*

Christmas christmas...new year new year...there's isnt any significance bout tis festives seasons...probably only that im havin a party in my office n im e lucky few to pick to deco my office christmas tree...haas..tt's sth special..cos it's a real christmas tree and 1st time deco-ing such a big tree..hee...other than tt, im simply lost...lost in my totx...

i dunno y im having tis feeling of lost...like nth planned for e special day...at first was super lookin fwd to all tis hols break...wrk half day on 23rd n 24th...25th - 27th long wkend...omg...tt's really a super long break for me yea....so many days of rest after tired of wrking and study...at first tot can get prog planned on such long break...den can enjoy before e yr end...haha...take a break but it seems so that im wrg...indeed im having break, but tt's nt e way i wanted it to turn out to b...i wanted sth really enjoying where i can reallly enjoy myself...but i dnt feel any enjoyable mood...at least nt nw...

nt to discourage those who planned outings with my share alrdy...but i totx meeting up is usual...is wad makes tis meeting up special in tis season...if nt, wouldnt it b jux a normal gathering?! but perhaps im really wrg..it's jux a wishful thinking on my part....still, i wan to appreciate those who takes e initiative to plan outing, with me in..hha...if nt, i'll really b super damned bored i guess....nw i can foresee i hav alot of available slots...24th, 25th, 26th...even if there is prog, but no confirmation means yet to consider confirmed...so gd for having hols break...probably for me jux to rot at hm when ppl r enjoying their season outside...omg...hard to imagine wad i'll feel on tt dae...aiya...dnt think so much..e more i think, e more sianx...

haha..y my words sounds like im promoting myself to ask ppl to go out tgt in tis festive season since im super free...no, i dnt wan to do tt n i dnt mean tt..im jux expressing my totx out...no other intention, pls dnt misinterpret...haix..maybe im jux feeling emo....i jux really wan to do sth tt i like to do in tis season...follow my heart to do things...but it dnt turn it e way i wanted to b...maybe tt's y im thinking like tt..

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it's tiring to kip guessing wat's a person is thinking bout...esp those u really care about...close frenx is one of it...sensing there is sth wrg but nv try to talk bout it...take it for example u used to get so close with ur true frenx...frenx tt u really care n share bout n ppl oso think tt u guys r really close...but suddenly, tis frenship make a drastic 180 deg turn to it feels like 2 strangers...wouldnt it hav caused sum thinkings in ur mind...definitely will i think, but nv will try to find e ans...sum ppl r funny, they dnt look for an ans cos they r afraid to face e ans...maybe...

i jux wan ppl ard me nt to get so tight up...u r tired of wearing a mask, im tired of guessing...y dnt frenx, true frenx, jux face each other without hiding any totx...tt's y true frenx r for mahx...so frenx, jux trust ur closest frenx...dnt leave an impression in ur heart tt there's no one to trust in tis world...tt's a pathetic totx i find it..cos e closest frenx will standby u no matter wat...so if u treat me as ur closest frenx...i wld wan to support u n standby u in everything u does...i can b a listener n i lov to b 1...ever since so long ago, few ppl let me b listener..always e one doing e speaking..haha...is tt gd?!roles exchange r better...relationship n communication can b improved mahx..

so let me get e taste of wat's closest frenx r for...dnt kip guessing tis n tt..end up will turn crazy i guess...crazy in ur own totx....hmm...i miss my closest frenx, i really does....

i nid encouragement badly....too emo over all these wild totx in tis cold weather...hw silly...but jux cant get it off my mind...i wan to b brave n speak up cos i wan to cherish wad i hav..im contented but yet perhaps u dunno sum times....i miss you!

Jiayous Sharon!!

HiYa...iM bAck..!!

omg..i guess my blog had long been forgotten cos too long nv update le bahx...even tagboard seems so dead..haha...ok la, let mi clear up those spider-webs..wanted a revamp, but too noob in tis IT stuff...haix..haha...hopefully i can realli pen out my totx...it's over-brimming...

as usual, too long nv write liaox, already forgotten wat happened over those days..maybe jux recall sum realli deep totx stuff...hmm...

Since 17th Aug, started wrking in the govt sector..nt bad i wld sae..as compare to my previous jobs, tis wld b e most challenging job...with e taxing n tiring factor loading on myself...it's e highest pay job held so far n considering e amt of wrkload piling up each day...really is hw much wrk = hw much being paid...considering fair...haix...but wat to do..tis is my choice..despite so, i dnt regret e switch..at least, life turns slightly better...n i really get chance to pick up alot of stuff tt i dnt used to noe bout..althou there r really alot of stuff i really dunno b4....im still learning the ropes frm my seniors cos there r simply too much things for each of us to cover...alot of aspects...nt to mention, colleagues' wrk...tis is really tiring..haha...1 thing i hate bout my wrk, tt's there no internet access...alot of stuff is so difficult without it...but tis is wrk...no choice..
well, nw is still e hard times i guessed cos still picking up n gt to handle e new studies subj at same time...used to e life of wrking n studying liao, but i really dnt like my life.... =(

colleagues is friendly n easy-going but maybe still cant mix really well...hah, im e youngest inside e whole section comprises of 80+ ppl...hhaa...sumtimes, i find no common topic cos i hav no knowledge about it....like shares, political, family...wah~really alot i dunno leh...haha...but at least still can get along lah...but still , i really missed e moments wrking in sph...those colleagues r really interesting n amicable...haa...

there r alot of frenx i wanted to cherish but there r other factors to overcome through the period...as time passed, frenxship can really turns 'plain s water'..as much as i wanted to meet up n chat happily like e past, but moments lost r really lost... sumtimes e feelings is jux no longer there to chat so much like b4...hmm....but true frenx r really exceptions...cos i can experience e atmosphere when true frenx get tgt...even though feelings r no longer as strong as b4, but thru e jokes, chat n activities, 1 can really feel hw it is nice to find back tis feelings...do i sounds confusing..?dunno hw to phrase, no mood to think so much...but jux trying to relate my totx...

1 thing tt makes me smile each time im thinking, tt's i've gotten my car license on 23sep09, 1st attempt..yea yea yea..i can save alot leh.... =D

there r alot of totx bothering me in my mind, my heart...with those totx i feel so lost, so lost till i dunno wat's my next step...i simply dunno wad to do...so frightened even that i wanted to use tears to wash away my fears..everything jux dnt wrks...those totx jux dnt get off my mind easily..everything still remains unchanged...life still goes on n on...sun, moon rise n set brightly... earth still turning...no matter wad, things jux dnt changed cos u r feeling low..

im only on my first sem in my studies....can sae completed 2 modules waiting for results...super scary...ya, i hav no confidence n i really feel super demoralising studying nw....not at all encouraging....i dunno wad happen but everyting jux dnt turn up wad i expected it to b....i tot i can face sch strongly with all frenx...but turn up im wrong...so wrong tt i dunno wad went wrong...is it my fault subconsciously...i really dunno....nw, im can really feel hw it is to study deg..it's really like wad outsiders always sae....ppl r only concerning bout themselves more than trying to make frenx...enjoying e whole process of studying...maybe dnt apply to all, but applying to wad im gg thru nw, i think it is....so i really feel so tough to hold on to my studies....i dunno where's my lifeboat or when i'll learn to swim...sumtimes i feel y nt jux let mi drown....much easier tis way....nt to sae, it's my 1st attempt....haix......

everything dnt goes rite tis yr....super emo....christmas cumin yet i dnt feel any joyous mood at all; at least nt nw im pretty sure....tell mi im wrong...tell mi there r still sumwhere out there where i can find warmth....i jux wan e slightest warmth tt i can get...is tt too much to ask for...??

人傻不是一种罪，傻人也不想太傻而碎

傻人是没有的选择的；
傻人只听过，傻人会有傻福

hOoRaY..!! ChEeRs..!! =D

it had been so long since i sit down in front of the computer to pen down my totx, running across my mind...i had so much to write, so much to say..yet i doesnt have the time or mood to update my blog..so much happened during tis period, both good n bad..but all i could rmb was all e good, cos i forgot all e bad.. *no space for bad things in my mind*

So, tis gonna b a long post, if u're nt prepared to spend some time to read...go ahead... =D

Since June, im pursuing my degree course..nt being a business student, i hav to put in extra effort and time for bridging modules..i have 6 to clear before i can go on to my 12modules for my course..haas...it's was definitely not an easy task..some modules were interesting, like law n stats..but modules like tourism n management were omg..there's so much to memorise..n it's e 1st time im seeing them..haas..to add on my busy schedule, im taking driving lessons after wrk.."24hrs was not enough for me!" it was often heard by ppl ard us..haas..there were times i feel so down, both of wrk, life, sch..to make it worst, i had to hide my feelings in front of ppl..well, arranging my totx, i learn to adapt n accept my life slowly...so other than lec, exams, wrk..tt's hw i spend my June..not forgetting my frenx birthdae on 29th!

July was a happening month..haas..other than exams, driving, i have birthdae parties to attend..cool~ many of us are July babies..tis shows how popular tis mth is but oso shows im gonna eat bread for e mth..haas.. =p

we hold a mini celebration @ Top 1 for Nancy's Bdae..after driving, went for steamboat dinner n sing k for e whole morning till 5am..it was 7am when im home n lesson was at 9am..haas..but it was worth it..cos there's only one 21st in a lifetime..
im turning 21st on 22nd too..haha..so held a chalet @ pasir ris..ya, i noe e idea is common n nt special..but wat's more to expect when there's a grp of best frenx spending e nitex over wif u...it's e totx n company tt matter...yeah!
i believe im nt a good host tt nitex, neither my party had so much to play with..sry bout tt, but i hope those attend had lotsa fun..i totx it was a good time to catch up wif those so-long-no-c frenx...heex..MILLIONS THX to those tt who take e effort to attend...THX!

Thx for the invitations sent for e parties...Hope u guys hav fun during ur nitex too! =D

Also, in July, i receive a good news..tt's i'll b switching my job soon..althou i miss e wrk atmosphere n frenx here, but all good things come to an end..i learnt alot in this place esp e reality of e world..apart frm able to cultivate patience n knowledge in this line, those proj are 1 of those tasks i enjoyed most..all e in-hse proj r so interesting esp with those contests..nw tt im gone, i only miss those in-hse proj..haas..e last few lines i picked up were disastrous..often, i hated those ppl call to talk on nonsensical stuff, scolding ppl like us..i feel so upset y do we hav to sound so 'low' in front of them..we r equal n hav dignity too yet we cant even talk back or scold when we r in no wrong..tt's for mi lah..u guys can choose to scold back but i choose to swallow it..haix...life is like tt..it's tt unfair, but i noe..in someway or rather, there's always fairness in us..it's hw we look at it..i feel so relax nw tt i gonna leave..been feeling so bad-tempered cos of those lines i took lately..haas..sry, if my temper was vent on u..heex..

today is my last day of wrk le...so cum on..!!pack my mood n set off to my new environment..!! i'll always miss e days spent in SPH for e past 1 year 2mths 23days.. THX GUYS..!! =D

you guys will always b e most wonderful collegues i ever had...naughtiest, funniest, greatest..!!

N on this special day, to mark it even more memorable, i received my results for my last module..officially, CLEARED 6 bridging modules..i was most worried about e last module tt i nid to retake...omg...im so HAPPY, flying into the sky...yeah! =D
Mktg n HTM, here i come yea..!!

Looking forward to my new environment...17th August 2009!! here i come..!!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAE!!
to 06/07/08 babies esp turning 21st..a milestone for e start as an adult.. Sry, if tis kinda greetings looks v simple, but i meant it..n it's nt belated..i greeted on ur day rite?!
apologised for those nt appearing here..i may hav forgotten but u r nt forgotten..no worries!

10/06 - Wan Lin
29/06 - Jae
04/07 - Nancy
05/07 - Jason
13/07 - Gabriel
16/07 - Houng Yee
24/07 - Yan Chang
26/07 - Jian Hong
01/08 - Xin Hui n Nephew
02/08 - Xue Li

生日快乐！！

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I CLEARED MY MODULES...HOORAY..!! =D

SenToSa..

A tRip tO sEntOsa oN eVe oF NaTiOnAl dAy..iT waS cRowDed wItH pPl bUt pReTTy gOod exPeriEnce..wE dIn wEnT tO e bEaCh bUt inStEaD arouNd tHe attRaCtiOnS..1st stoP tO iMaGes oF SIngaPoRe..ToOk loTsa pHoTos, n uNdErsTaNdiNg hw sInGaPoRe CaMe bOut..wE dO nOe e hIstOrY of s'pOrE bUt nT iN fuLL sToRy i beliEve yEa?!

nExt, wEnT fOr sKy rIde aNd wAlk tO mErLioN...wEnT iN n aPprEcIaTe e mErliOn sTatUe..tHere's 10 sTorEys BUt e liFt oNly tOok uS tO e 1st n 10th sTorEy..hAaS..sO tt's hw wE cAmE tO uNderStaNd hw merLion TiS nAmE cAmE bOut..As tHere wAs ND pRomOtiOn, So e tIx wAs pReTty gd bArgAiNs..nOt tt bAd..aS e sKy tUrNs dArKeR n dArkeR, wE wEnT fOr ouR lAst SkyrIde (cAme tgt aS a pAckaGe).. dEn wE eNdEd oUr dAy tHere..iT mAy sOuNds sHorT cOs we sTaRteD aBoUt 3pm..tHey wAIted fOr mE n CH tO eNd wRk at 1pm..tHx u..!!

EvEn tHOu e dAy wAs sHoRt, BUt iT wAs sO fUn n MeAnIngFuL..AbLe tO mEEt tGt iS aLwaYs wAd sO FUn..e pRogRaMMe pLaNnEd iS juSt tO eNhAncE iT bEtTer...aFtEr sEnToSa, tHx tO C.H, wE gEt tO tAsTe e dElicIouS sOuTh bUoNa vIsTa rOad duCk rIce..i OnLy nOe tIs rOad nAme, hAaS..bUt e dIsHeS oRdEreD wAs kAnGkOng, bEaNcUrd, sotOngs, pRaWns nOt fOrgEttInG e mAiN cHaRaCtEr, ducK mEaT..haAs...yUmMy yuMMy~~

NeXt sTop, CatHay BeN & jErRy iCe-cReAm..sO siNfUl tAt dAe..hAha...hAd tAlk whiLe we eAt n eVeNtuAlly, wE eNd oUr dae wItH hx buyiNg a bAg fOr hErSelf from lEftFoOt sToRe..yEa!!

hOmE sWeEt hOmE @ bOuT 10pm..

*sRy GuYs..i'll b pOsTiNg pHoToS sOoN..*
pLs wAiT pAtIeNtLy..hAaS... =D